i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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