:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
