He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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