hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
