going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
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He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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