I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
