so explain again why im purple
no
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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