That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
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I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
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I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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