Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
