Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
