Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
