just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
