My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
In America we eat man semen.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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