i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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