Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
