Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
