you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
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I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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