So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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