then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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