I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
