I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
