If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
