When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
