Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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