'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
