mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
