I wannas sexs uuuuu
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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