Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
