things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
