At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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