i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
