Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
