...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
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She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
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if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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