My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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