If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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