3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
