I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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