Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
