Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
