What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
