Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
