Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
