I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
