WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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