Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
