Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
