Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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