party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
