I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
