"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
