If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
