Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
