imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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