dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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