8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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