If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
