I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
