Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
