i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
