Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
