Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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