Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
