got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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