she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Pooping to opera.
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