I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
