I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
