I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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