So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
