Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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