My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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