If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
