Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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