every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
