Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
