I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
