trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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