all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
