Come see our sink grown plant.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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